13 months ago I became a mom. 9 months ago I became a working mom. Honestly, I’m not sure which transition was harder.

Obviously, the transition to motherhood shakes your world. All of a sudden you are responsible for keeping this little human alive. Like, “Really, I just get to take this thing home? No instructions?” But amazingly, maternal instincts kick in. Mothers, mothers-in-law, sisters, aunts, and friends are there to help or lend some advice. You find yourself in a new routine(-ish). And, really, I EXPECTED this transition to shake my world. I was prepared to feel completely unprepared.

And then - BAM - the world shook again and before my little human could even sit up on his own, I had to go back to work. I had more tears at daycare drop-off that first week than my son ever did. I felt completely overwhelmed. I was still breastfeeding and now had to figure out pumping. My first week back to work I had a 4-hour meeting - awkwardly excusing myself halfway through for 30 minutes. I was trying to show up like I did before I had the baby, trying to determine how I could get to work early, so I could still put in the same amount of hours and leave by 4:30 for daycare pick-up. Then get home by 5 PM (the witching hour no less) so we can do dinner, more feeding and pumping, then bathtime, and then bedtime, and then, wait, did I even get to enjoy our time together?

Bottom line, this is how I felt those first couple months back to work:

• Resentment

• Anxiety

• Anger

• Frustration

• Sadness

• Incompetence

And, I worked at a pretty mom-friendly company and liked my job! But going back to work was isolating and, for me, it felt completely unnatural.

The common refrain is that “It takes a village to raise a child.” Where was my village when I went back to work? My husband was 100% supportive through all of it, but it just wasn’t the same as another mother who knew what I was going through and was doing it at the same time. Yes, I could have reached out and found more help, but this wasn’t supposed to be the hard part. And I felt like I needed to just make it work. Ultimately, this challenge and my desire to better balance family and work lead to my decision to leave my company. And I know I’m not alone here considering over 40% of working moms leave the workforce at some point. (I recognize this article is ~5 years old, but I’m willing to bet it’s still relevant.)

There is another option to just forcing it to make it work. There is another option than feeling like you’re just struggling through it all. This transformation is absolutely a journey and you deserve a partner in it.

If any of this has resonated with where you are right now, or you know of a soon-to-be or new working mom, please send her my way. Let’s create our village and support each other!