How do I avoid the Motherhood Penalty?

I hear a version of this question almost every time I coach a new mom going back to work for the first time.

If you're not familiar with this phenomenon, it's when women are perceived as less productive/effective/valuable after becoming a mother because their parenthood is seen as a distraction to their ability to work. (Ironically, on the other side, men tend to receive the "Fatherhood Bonus" - they are seen as more stable and respected leaders when they become fathers.)

How real is this phenomenon? As of 2020, full-time mothers make on average 73 cents to every $1 a father makes (Institute for Women's Policy Research). One study in 2007 found that mothers were found to be 12.1 percentage points less committed to their jobs than non-mothers and 10% less competent.

I wish I had an easy answer to make this phenomenon null and void because let's be real - no one knows how to get shit done like moms. Unfortunately, changing an entire society's perception and value of motherhood is no small thing.

But, there are a few steps moms can take to assess and minimize the impact of this social bias in the workplace.

1. Assess how real of a concern this is in your company. I once had a client who experienced a lot of anxiety and fear about falling victim to the Motherhood Penalty but noted she hadn't witnessed any sleights toward moms. Her fear was rooted in knowing this is just something that happens in our society and it was clear she was expending a lot of energy and mental space worried about it. I encouraged her to talk with other moms in her team/company to get a broader range of experiences. I also encouraged her to look at the company culture, policies, and leaders. Does the company have robust parental leave policies? Are mothers receiving promotions or in leadership roles? Do you see others with visible caregiving responsibilities or do people hide their personal lives? It's not a full-proof method, but it's a start for knowing whether this is a fear that warrants your valuable time and energy.

2. Get really clear on what you want for your career growth and communicate frequently with your manager. It's easier for managers to make assumptions about what you want when there's been no explicit conversation. "Oh, I gave that opportunity to Joe because I assumed you wouldn't want to take on any extra travel right now." I like to assume good intent for most people. It's possible your manager meant well. Don't put that decision in their hands! Be super clear and make yourself heard. This may also include over-communication on what you're getting accomplished when you're not in the office. Proximity Bias "describes how people in positions of power tend to treat workers who are physically closer to them more favorably, and stems from the antiquated assumption that those who work remotely are less productive than those who work from the office." (HBR) With caregivers overwhelmingly wanting to stay in remote or hybrid roles, I see this bias coming into play a lot in the coming years.

3. Identify the costs of hiding your motherhood. Many new moms will try to minimize the visibility of their motherhood or over-compensate by saying "yes" to everything that comes along. Unfortunately, this tends to lead to the elimination of any boundaries and burnout. At worst, it leads to mom feeling like work just isn't tenable and she removes herself by taking a lower effort role or leaving the workforce altogether. And - let me be clear - both options are perfectly valid as long as they're what you really want not just what seems to be the only option.

4. Acknowledge you might have to go elsewhere. If you don't feel you can be yourself at work without penalty, than that is probably not a place you want to be long-term.

Finally, if you're a leader in an organization, remember you are part of setting the tone and culture for other moms. Show other moms they don't have to fear the motherhood penalty and be part of changing the culture. Make your motherhood visible and look for opportunities to create equity in pay and policies.

Are you concerned about the impact of the Motherhood Penalty on your career? Let's chat. You deserve a career that's going to allow you to reach your full potential and earnings.