5 Ways to Discover Your Values
What are your values? Have you ever stopped to think about it? I mean really think about it. Most people don’t. But, let me tell you - knowing your values can change your life. Yes - I mean that to sound as extreme as it does, so I’ll repeat it.
Knowing your values can change your life.
I believe this, because taking the time to learn my values changed my life. But let’s start with the definition of “values.” If you Google it, you’ll find two main definitions:
1) the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
2) a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.
I bet if you went out and asked a random selection of people, most would say that their values are “family” or “friends.” These are absolutely very important things, but probably more aligned with the first definition of something you value. Identifying your values, or guiding life principles, can be more challenging.
But why does this matter?
It matters, because when something in our life is feeling “off” it’s often because there is an important value that we are not honoring. I had a major breakthrough when I figured this out, and an even bigger breakthrough when I started recognizing and acknowledging my values. When I did, it changed my life.
How? Well, a little context…
About two years ago, I was feeling “off.” I was happy with my company, but not feeling really fulfilled in my job. To shake life up a bit, my husband and I decided to take a sabbatical. We took a break from our careers, packed up our stuff, and traveled Europe for three months. It was the best three months of my life. We explored and relaxed. Had some busy days and some do-nothing days. I wrote a blog and devoured history. And when we returned, I went back to work. Guess what? I still felt “off” when I got back.
Luckily, this was around the same time I decided to become a professional coach. Values are a HUGE component of coaching and I had to put in the work to discover my own first. And - BOOM - breakthrough.
My biggest value is something I call “freedom to.” I realized I felt most “off” when I was put in a situation I didn’t choose or where I didn’t feel like I had choice. When I was on sabbatical, I had the freedom to choose when, where, and how I spent my time. When I felt off at work, it was because I was in a situation where I didn’t feel like I had this same freedom. I felt fulfilled in my job when I did. When it became time to make the decision of whether to stay at my job or quit to start my own business, this value made my decision clear. I needed the “freedom to” work when and from where I want. I needed the “freedom to” work late at night and take the day to spend with my son.
Discovering Your Values
My values became a sort of internal air traffic control. They guide me to a decisions that make me feel in alignment with who I am and what’s important to me.
So how can you connect to your internal air traffic control? Here are five ways you can begin to discover your values.
Draw a self-portrait - Break out the markers and crayons and channel your 5-year old self. Get creative. Draw a picture of you AND everything that makes you who you are. What makes you happy? Who is around you? What are you doing? What do you notice about your picture? The images you draw can show you a lot about your values. The picture at the top? That’s my self-portrait. (Quite the artist, amiright?)
Think back to your peak experience - Think back to the time when you felt most alive and the most “you” ever. What were you doing? Who were you with? How did you feel? What made this moment “peak”? THAT is a value. My sabbatical was my peak experience.
Identify the three people (fictional or real) you admire most - What do you admire most about them? When I thought about this question, I actually thought about a lot of the influencers I follow on Instagram. Not because they are “influencers,” but because many of them have created their own businesses and are hustling! That entrepreneurship, or making their own way for themselves, is a huge value of mine.
Think about what you need to stay sane - You can think about this question a different way too. What really frustrates you to no end? Is it someone being late? Maybe there’s a value here about respect for people, time, or boundaries that you need to have honored in your life.
Make an imaginary billboard - This is one of my favorites. Imagine you have a billboard over the busiest highway in the world. What message do you want to convey? That message tells you a lot about what is meaningful for you. For me, my billboard says “You are Enough.” This “enoughness” is a value for me. I just have to feel enough for myself and help others feel “enough” as well.
Reading my values, freedom to or enoughness, you might be thinking, “Hey, those don’t make any sense to me! ” That’s okay! These are my values. Not yours. Your values are for you alone, so you get to make up whatever values make sense and are resonant for you. Take the time to discover them. I promise you. It can change your life!