What a Personal Stylist Taught Me About Life
I’m not usually the one looking for life’s big lessons in everyday events, BUT here we go…
My husband gifted me a virtual personal styling session for Christmas this year. It was wonderful. We went through my closet pairing different outfits and talking about what fit.
Then I pulled out a sweater I’ve owned for probably 5-plus years and worn maybe twice. I always see this sweater hanging in my closet and feel so guilty that I never wear it. It wasn’t cheap so I’ve never donated it, but whenever I put it on I never feel comfortable in it and end up changing my outfit. I was determined to find a way to make it fit with this stylist.
Her question back to me was so simple. “Where were you in your life when you bought that sweater?”
Well, I was in my corporate job, wearing heels every day, traveling to clients, and without kids.
“Well,” she said, “you're having a hard time making it fit because it doesn’t fit with your life anymore.”
Lightbulb moment. Duh. The person I am today would never buy this sweater. It’s completely impractical. And the more I stare at it unused in my closet, the guiltier I feel that I’m wasting it. The solution was not to make me feel more comfortable in the sweater but to embrace who I am today and be okay choosing something that fits the person I’ve evolved to be.
This is so relatable to so many other areas of life, especially as we evolve as parents. These are huge life-changing experiences and so it’s natural that what worked before may not be what works today. Sometimes, it’s our jobs that just don’t fit anymore. Sometimes, it’s our priorities. Sometimes, it’s our friend relationships or even, at times, our partners. But we’ve invested so much of our time, energy, and who we are into these things that it can be extremely hard and painful to come to the conclusion that we’ve evolved and they just.don’t.fit.
We need to be able to take a step back and ask the question…
Would I still choose this as the person I am today?
If the answer is no, we can look at our options. There are always options.
Bringing it back to my sweater, I could either let go of the sweater or alter it. I chose to alter it in a way that works for me now. Less formal and more amenable to a business owner with two small kids (AKA can be worn with jeans, looks good on Zoom, and isn’t fussy).
We can do the same with any part of our life that’s not fitting. What do I need to alter? What can change so that it fits who I am now? Take note - there’s an assumption here that you’re embracing and accepting the person you are now. If you can’t see any possible way of altering or changing it, maybe it’s time to let the thing go altogether and choose something new.
The one thing I can guarantee you will never work is letting the ill-fitting, guilt-causing sweater (job, relationship, etc.) just continue to hang unused in the closet.