Gentle Parenting, Gentle Leading?

Before I had kids, I was completely oblivious to the controversies that exist in parenting. Breastfeeding vs formula feeding. Baby-led weaning versus purees. Cry-it-out versus co-sleeping. As if parenting isn’t hard enough, we’ve created divisions within divisions on the “right” way to do things.

But there’s one controversy that’s stuck out to me recently because the pushback I’ve experienced is largely generational.

It’s the dreaded Gentle Parenting technique.

Duh duh DUH! (Cue dramatic music.)

I've had quite a few conversations over the last week about the virtues and downfalls of gentle parenting. If you're not familiar with the term, it's "an evidence-based approach to raising happy, confident children... composed of four main elements - empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries." (VeryWellFamily)

If you're reading that and thinking, "Well, that sounds delightful, how could there be downfalls?" I tend to agree with you. And while there can be challenges in the application, I'm not going to get into those here. Good or bad, right or wrong, this style of parenting is very different from what many of us grew up experiencing in more disciplinarian, "Because I said so" and “Do as you’re told” type households. (And note - because I know my mother will read this - I'm not talking about you! 😊)

I like to consider myself a gentle parent to my 2 and 4-year-old boys. We try to demonstrate the same respect to our children that we'd like to receive from them (I was wrong when I raised my voice to you, I'm sorry). We try to talk through things instead of jumping to discipline (How do you think your brother felt when you grabbed the toy from him?) and we try to set firm boundaries (This is what is for dinner. It is your choice whether to eat it, but this is what is for dinner.) We are by no means perfect, but it works for us.

But, I think there’s more to this idea of gentle parenting that applies beyond the scope of just parenting. At its core, it’s about mutual respect and developing a person’s abilities - not just leaning on assumed authority because I am bigger, stronger, older, or better.

Can Gentle Parenting Translate to Leadership?

Recently, I've begun thinking about how these same qualities I'm practicing in parenthood translate over to leadership. Or rather, I've always known these qualities make for a good leader, but it's only by practicing them in an exaggerated form with my young children that I've started to appreciate how important they are in leadership.

Remember the 4 pillars of gentle parenting: Empathy, Respect, Understanding, and Boundaries.

Empathy - Empathy increases our connection, deepens our relationships, and broadens our perspectives.  Research has shown that empathetic leaders increase positive outcomes at work because when employees feel seen and heard they can better cope and recover from stress and challenges.

Respect - The important element of respect here is that it is a two-way street, not just from the bottom up. We must respect those around us if we expect respect in return. We must model it first as leaders, just as we must model respect as parents.

Understanding - I interpret this as communication for the "why." How are we as leaders building awareness and capacity in our teams instead of demanding and micro-managing? How are we asking powerful questions to engage critical and creative thinking in our teams and communicating the why behind our actions? This builds trust and activates long-term learning.

Boundaries - When I think about boundaries from a leadership perspective, I translate them into expectations. As leaders, it is our role to communicate clear expectations and ensure those expectations are understood. Clarity and transparency beget understanding.

Are we creating the next generation of Gentle Leaders?

In my work as a leadership coach, I see many leaders today struggling with these “softer” leadership skills. For example, the fear of appearing weak in a leadership role or the desire to tell and direct. We see newer employees as “entitled” because they expect to be heard and dare to question those more senior.

Now that we have the research to demonstrate these elements' effectiveness at work and home, I wonder… What will the next generation of leaders look like? What capabilities for critical thinking will they harness?

Essentially, to what extent will our parenting styles today impact the type of leaders we raise tomorrow?

These questions have me so excited to see the future we are creating now through our actions and through those of our children.