When It’s All Overwhelming, Try a Mindset Shift
We all know the trope. The overworked, unappreciated, harried working mom who is always frazzled, running late and in search of wine.
I know the trope. I've been that trope.
But you don't have to be.
What if it were possible to be the mom who approached life as cool, calm, and collected (for the most part)? The mom who knows shit happens and nothing is perfect? The mom who has her moments, but generally doesn't let it spiral out of control?
I believe many of us want to be the image of that second woman, but get tripped up by trying to do it all and living up to the expectations we see around us. This is not a blame game or to say it's our fault. This image has been drilled into us literally every waking moment. As an example, the American Academy of Pediatrics recently updated its breastfeeding guidance to support breastfeeding through age 2. They put out this recommendation THE SAME WEEK that the Senate failed to pass the PUMP Act, which would have expanded access to protected and paid pumping breaks for 9 million mothers. And don't even get me started on the fact that this is happening at the same time there is a formula shortage and awful, judgmental messages flung through the media about "why don't mothers just breastfeed?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm not going to say this moment is unprecedented because mothers have experienced a lot throughout history, but systemically we are being set up to fail. We can fight the system. We can organize and use our collective power to influence the system (check out Chamber of Mothers), but that takes time.
So what do we do in the short-term to make sure we don't lose our GD minds? We have to start with what we can control - ourselves. We have to shift our mindsets. The power of our mindset is that it influences our behavior. Our behavior influences our outcomes, which then cycles and reinforces our mindset.
Here's an example of what that looks like using one of the most common mindset traps for mothers.
The shift in this particular mindset is in how we measure against expectations and define success - no small things. The power is in whether we feel broken down or lifted up. There's no "magic" to shifting our mindsets. One way to start is by catching yourself in an old mindset or behavior and redirecting to the new mindset. It will be hard at first. You may not catch yourself until hours or days later, but slowly and surely you will begin to re-write your automatic thoughts.
Here are a few other common mindset shifts I've seen in my work:
Old Mindset ➡️ New Mindset
I am responsible. ➡️ We are responsible.
Everyone else comes first. ➡️I am just as important as everyone else.
I am not enough. ➡️ I am enough.
You can begin to identify your own shifts by reflecting on moments when you've felt defeated, overwhelmed, or stressed out. What's the voice driving your behavior? What voice do you want to be driving your behavior?
Now, mindset is not a sure-fire fix. As I mentioned earlier, we all operate in a larger context, a system, and currently, our system is broken. BUT, mindset is a huge way to feel empowered by the world you operate in rather than feeling a victim of the world you operate in. It's a way to take back control of your energy and your joy and that wins over wine any time in my book.
Each person is unique and has their own traps sapping their energy and joy. If you want to shift your mindset so you can feel empowered and inspired, let's chat. It's my absolute favorite part of the work I do because I've seen how powerful it can be.